Ever So Punny
by xxpiratexx
Summary: Lily has turned her hedgehog into a bear. With quills! A fun oneshot that's my break from HWMNBJ. LilyJames, Marauder era. R&R? Recognizable characters J. K. Rowling's


Title: Ever So Punny Title: Ever So Punny Author: xxpiratexx

**Summary: A humor piece. Oneshot. Marauder era; LilyJames.**

**IMPORTANT: I have been thinking of changing my pen name to deepgreensea. Review with your opinion on this. (I. E…should I do this? Do you understand? Will you look for me as deepgreensea from now on?) Thanks.**

**Author's Note: My little break from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-James-ed. I wanted to do something like this for a while. Here it is! Enjoy.**

I just failed my Transfiguration exam. Not 'fail' as in smart kid fail. No, I did not get more than 4/5 of this examination correct.

Want to know what I got?

Go on, guess.

_Guess_.

You've got nothing? All right, fine. I'll tell you.

In Transfiguration, I got a goose egg on my assessment. A zero. A nothing.

I am a _dunce_ at Transfiguration. A bloody _dunce_. I am such a _dunce_, I thought that _dunces_ were sometimes made to wear those _dunce_ caps to cure them of their _dunce_-ness.

Yep. Dunce, right here. I'll sign autographs. No flash photography, please.

And, again, I am not one of those intelligent children who moan and groan because they were just _one_ off of a perfect.

No. As I said, I am hopeless at Transfiguration.

Am I one of those annoying-as-hell smart people in every other subject?

Yes. I'll admit it. Yes, I am.

But in Transfiguration…let's just say that I make _Pettigrew_ seem smart.

Whoa. Dissed myself and Pettigrew in one sentence. That was pretty amazing.

Anyhoo, I have to hide now because I can't let anybody see me. The cruel whispers will start again.

"Did you HEAR about _her_?" (Yes, that is really how they say it! With the capitalization on the hear and the italicization on the her as they point towards me!)

"No."

"Oh, let me tell you! Well, I heard that in Transfiguration, she, during the test, transfigured a hedgehog into a bear! With quills!"

Cue laughter.

Yeah, you heard that fake conversation right.

I transfigured a hedgehog into a bear.

With quills.

Almost everybody else had pincushions.

Not me. I had a bear.

With quills.

I think…I think I can stand to go to dinner, though. I'm much too hungry. I don't mind a couple of whispers.

You know, I missed breakfast and lunch today. So I should treat myself to wild rice.

What the hell? Screw gossip.

Wild rice, here I come.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Ooh. The wild rice has peppers in it.

_Colored_ peppers. Not just the boring old green ones.

Yum.

Now…just to reach for the spoon and scoop!

Oh, no.

Clumsy me! My plate just fell on James Potter! "I'm _so_ sorry!" I can afford to be sincere, right? I mean, it _was_ my fault that he's now covered in wild rice. With peppers. Not to mention that one sauce the house elves make to go with it.

"It's all right." He says. "Sirius, I'll be right back. I'll find another plate for Lily here."

"Oh, you needn't bother. I'll just ask the house elves—"

"Don't worry. I couldn't _bear_ to see you go alone, without an escort. I'm aware you skipped breakfast and lunch. You must be _bear_-y hungry. You can take my plate and I'll go and get one for myself."

"James BLOODY Potter! How DARE you make fun of me like that? You cruel, arrogant, beast!"

"I'm sorry, Lily, but I really couldn't help myself. You have to admit it was funny. A bear. With quills."

He looks about ready to erupt into laughter. I glower. "It MAY have been amusing for you, but I most assuredly do not find it one bit funny."

I turn on my heel and walk out. Back to the 'ol room. Yes, the very same room I've been spending the last two days of my existence. You don't have to rub it in.

And I still didn't get any Spanish wild rice.

With peppers.

Or any dinner, as a matter of fact.

I haven't had any food today!

Except, of course, for that Belgian waffle Alice brought up for me a substitute for breakfast. And that sandwich, soup, and salad she brought me for lunch.

Other than those, I haven't had ANY FOOD today!

I'll starve!

Ooh! A knock at the door. Could it be Alice?

Visions of Spanish wild rice dance in my head.

"Enter!" I manage to say in the midst of drooling over the wild rice. That, admittedly, isn't even there for me to drool over.

The door opens.

"Look, Lily. I'm _bear_-y—" he cuts himself off. "VERY sorry about what happened. Accept my apology?"

"Throw in some of that Spanish wild rice with peppers that I missed at dinner and it's a deal." I swear, I can smell the stuff. It's making me woozy.

He whips out a bowl of said rice. "There you go."

I need a spoon! "James—I mean…haha…Potter, I need a spoon!"

"Kiss me and I'll give you one." He bargains.

"What about I eat and _then_ I kiss you?" I counter.

"With Spanish wild rice breath?" He raises an eyebrow.

I've been defeated. And I thought I could get out of that nasty part of the bargain, too.

Hmm…my honor, my stomach. My…pride, Spanish wild rice.

It's rather obvious what wins, isn't it?

"Spoon, please?"

He hands it over. "It's only fair. You _did_ keep your side of the bargain, after all." He grins wickedly. "You're a _bear_-y good kisser. Come with me to Hogsmeade tomorrow?"

Me? HE'S the very good kisser! Such a good kisser that I'll ignore the pun!

"Um…"

"I'll take you to that one place with the biryani. You know, the Indian version of Spanish wild rice?"

How can I resist? "Sure. Sounds egg-celent."

He blanches. "Um…great!" he stammers, running out of the room.

Did I mention that James Potter was one of the few that failed the Transfiguration exam, too?

Yep, he turned his hedgehog into an egg.

With quills.

_**A/N: You liked? Hated? REVIEW!  
**_

_**Re-REMINDER: Do not forget…I might be CHANGING MY PENNAME TO DEEPGREENSEA!! REVIEW for comments and opinions.**_

_**Should I change the pen name? Should I leave it the same?**_

_**DECIDE!**_

_**Rose**_


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